Watersports Training Manual

The Official

Watersports Training Manual

By Hartley

INTRODUCTION

Watersports is a slang term for the practice of passing bladder fluid in order to enhance sexual intimacy, or in other words, erotic peeing. The medical term for this is urolagnia or urophilia. Posts frequently appear on the alt.sex.fetish.watersports in which this practice is a part of dominance and submission games. This manual is not about that. Other posts appear in which total strangers meet and go off to some private location to pee on each other. This manual is not about that either. What it is about is the sharing of something intimate and personal between individuals who are emotionally bonded and trust each other, and who seek to deepen their bond and their trust with this special token of their love. Coverage will span the mildest to the most intimate practices.

How long has it been since you peed in the shower or bath? I'll bet for most of you reading, it's been less than a month, and for most of the rest of you, less than six months. For some it is as regular a part of bathing as soaping the washcloth. And why did you do it? Couldn't hold it till you got out? Unlikely. You did it because it felt good. It feels good just to relax and without the worry of finding a suitable receptacle or undoing clothing just to close your eyes feel that little tingle passing through your lovemaking flesh. And there's no mess to clean. And admit this also, at least to yourself. Sometime -- probably more than once -- when you've been standing waist deep in the ocean or a lake, or even a swimming pool, haven't you enjoyed the warmth of your own fluids seeping through your swimsuit? Learning to amplify and share the excitement connected such simple joys in spite of cultural taboos against them, overcoming our baseless beliefs in those taboos, and adopting practical methods for engaging our lovers in this joy -- that is what this manual is about.

Please note that I write this from the point of view of a heterosexual man. In what follows, I can only comment on pleasures I've shared with my lover. I will do my best to deliver my thoughts on the subject with as wide an audience in mind as possible, including those whose sexuality is different from my own. If you feel I have misrepresented or slighted your sexual group, or if you have something to offer from a point of view I am unable to write about, please let me hear from you. In fact, anything you might care to add I will look at seriously.

0.5 TOPICS

Nomenclature
Why Do It?
Playing Fair
What's In It?
What About Safe Sex?
How Can I Touch That Stuff? (and some unmessy activities)
How To Ask For It?
What About The Smell? (Dilution)
What About The Mess? (and other environmental concerns)
How Do We Get Intimate?

1. NOMENCLATURE

Throughout this manual, I will use the word "lingam" for penis and "yoni" for vulva or vagina. These are eastern words that roughly mean wand of light and sacred temple respectively. Not that "penis" and "vulva" aren't perfectly good words. Both come from Latin. Penis is from the same root as pendulum and peninsula, and suggests something that hangs. Vulva means a covering or sack (and in my opinion has an especially sexy sound to it). Unfortunately, the Latin words sound clinical. It is not the fault of the words, but the fault of western attitudes toward the body parts -- attitudes that produce vulgar and demeaning words like cock, prick, pussy, and cunt (incidentally, "cunt" is also from Latin). Because the emotions attached to such words are negative, we assume that a nonnegative word for a sex organ must be devoid of emotion.

The eastern words carry with them a sense of respect for our bodies and remind us to look at them as sacred. Every part of your body is exquisitely made, and your lingam or yoni is privileged to be your body's entry and exit point for the passing of sexual energy. I had the good fortune once to tour an exhibit of Bhuddist religious art. Many of the paintings and sculptures showed human sex organs rendered unabashedly and in the most sensuous and glorious ways (unlike, for example, classical Greek sculpture in which the male organs are diminished and the female effaced of their detail). Although I know little about Bhuddist culture, it was clear that these people have found that spirituality and sexuality are sister emotions, and that the appendages for experiencing one find employment in the other. When we begin to think of our flesh in this way rather than as the soiled currency of sexual commerce, we take a step toward spiritual sex a step beyond just plain fucking, sucking, and jerking off.

I will often be representing a person's urine stream as his or her spring, or fountain. Just as rainwater that falls on a mountain and bubbles forth from a spring at the mountain's foot carries with it some of the essence of the mountain, so does the water that passes through us. That is because, not only does it come from deep within our bodies, it comes from every part of the body. Urine is filtered from blood, and is a part of our blood only a short time before it passes from our loins. Blood flows to all points inside us, including whatever the secret places in which our spirits reside. Urine is what's left after our blood has nurtured our sacred selves. It contains the sweat of our souls. And I don't think it was a coincidence or a divine joke that The Creator chose to connect our lingams and yonis with our personal fountains.

2. WHY DO IT?

Why would you want to come into contact with your lover's urine, and why would your lover want to come into contact with yours? Urine is waste, isn't it?

If you are in love and that love has blossomed into a sexual relationship, then you are in love with your lover's spirit and body. You love every part of that person. And you hold your lover's lingam or yoni in special awe. It is an altar for your worship -- the bringer and receiver of the greatest of joys you can share together. When you close your eyes, you sometimes see your partner's loins in your mind's eye, touch them with your mind's fingertips, smell them with your mind's nose, taste them with your mind's tongue. Now if only you could get past that time many years ago when somebody told you, "No child -- that's dirty!"

And why do we accept this attitude that our lingams and yonis are dirty (and don't deny that at some level that attitude has infiltrated you)? Part of it is that most cultures of the world choose to hide those parts from public view. But that doesn't make them dirty. It only makes them private. The other reason is that our urine springs from there. And we must deposit our urine away from where we eat and sleep. Why? Because urine exposed to the microorganisms of the environment soon emits ammonia, and ammonia is nasty. But food left exposed turns into nasty stuff too, and food certainly isn't dirty.

Urine also has a peculiar smell that we seem to instinctively shrink from. That response is in the interest of our survival. Our bodies balance our dissolved minerals by eliminating excesses. We also need to rid ourselves of a compound called urea (urea, incidentally is in no way responsible for the smell and has a cool, pleasant taste to it). We instinctively know from the odor that, no matter how thirsty we are, drinking urine will render our elimination strategy useless.

None of these things make urine dirty. It is nearly sterile when it leaves our bodies, and, barring our having consumed something toxic, it contains no toxins. It has, in fact, been used as disinfectant for wounds during war time. It is most certainly cleaner than that bacteria farms we grow in our mouths. And as for the smell, we shall see later on that there are simple ways to minimize it, along with the dissolved minerals and urea.

What I've said so far are reasons you should not recoil as much as perhaps you do from contact with urine. Nothing so far has been toward why you might like to seek it. So let's try that. First, water is fun to play with and play in. Sex is fun too. Why not combine them? Surely you and you lover have splashed each other in the bath or while swimming and enjoyed it -- perhaps even worked yourselves into sexual excitement doing it. Wet lovemaking is the same thing, but with a splashing more directly connected to your bodies.

If your lover is a woman, your love for her yoni is not just for its flesh, but also for the wonderful secretions that flow from it whenever she is aroused. Even her menstrual fluids, though messy, are a part of her and exciting in their own way. If your lover is a man, your love for his lingam includes loving his semen, and wanting it to contact you and become part of you.

Your love for your lover's yoni or lingam can also include a fascination with the one function she or he has been using it for since birth. If your lover is a woman, picture her yoni with a urine stream passing from it. If your lover is a man, picture his lingam in the same way. Don't think about touching yet. And don't think about its destination either. Just picture it and think of it as a fountain of love. If you are heterosexual, you will also sense the mystery, wondering how it feels to your lover to issue forth the spring in this way that is unknowable to you.

If you are a man, you know that, although the sensation of ejaculation and the sensation of urination are very different, the sensation of liquid passing through your urethra is the same for both of these, and one reminds you of the other. If you are a woman, you know that your urethra opens among the most sexually sensitive tissues of your body. When you are aroused, can you urinate without being conscious of that?

Now consider that the liquid that daily pours from your lover is warm and part of him or her and pours from that most special of places. It contains fluid from your lover's blood and the sweat of your lover's soul. Have you never imagined what it would be like to feel it splashing against your skin? And consider how satisfying emptying your own bladder feels. You start out with an urgent full feeling, you relax your lingam or yoni, you feel a satisfying tickle down there, and with no effort at all you feel sated. Have you never imagined sharing that simple pleasure with your lover? And what about the joy of feeling your fountains mix as they pass from each of you, then warm and tickle both your skins?

Perhaps you are excited over such thoughts, but still don't think you would try them. It takes mental preparation in order to enjoy such acts as much as you might enjoy thoughts of them. Your cultural aversion to them has been with you all your life. It is easy to put aversions aside when you are only thinking about the act, much harder when you're really doing it. But if thinking about it excites you in any way, read on.

Aversions you might have about sharing your lover's spring are the last barriers between your genitals and your lover's. When you have overcome it -- and you can -- it will wash away all the hidden notions you might still have of your partner's sex organs being dirty. Joining in embrace and flowing in each other's arms will seem as natural and enjoyable a way of sharing your sexuality as anything you may be doing now. And it will be something special between you that few others experience.

One final note... Many of us at some time in our lives will find ourselves having to forgive a lover for wandering into the arms of another. These things happen. Since the sharing of genital fountains (or any other specialized sex practice) is something that requires an intimacy and trust developed over time, it is unlikely that your lover will ever betray that part of your relationship to any interloper. Your sexual relationship will still hold something secret and unsullied upon which you can begin the healing.

3. PLAYING FAIR

Everything I have to say in this section is summarized by the three words: respect your lover. Your lover wants to please you. You ought never put your lover in a situation where he or she must choose between pleasing you and avoiding something he or she finds disturbing. Any sex practice against which taboos exist is likely to be more difficult for one partner to accept than the other. Go slow. Allow your partner to become comfortable with easy things first. Move on step by step. If your lover balks at something, accept it and don't apply pressure. The situation may turn in your favor by itself someday. And even if it doesn't, you will still have the one thing that is most important.

Don't ever surprise your lover by doing something new you haven't talked about first. Trust means your lover knowing what to expect from you.

Some of the activities discussed later on involve both preparation and clean up (in particular laundry). Share these tasks with your lover, or even offer to do all of them. For example, if you don't have your own laundry machine, your partner might feel embarrassed bringing the laundry resulting from your frolicking into a public laundromat. Offer to perform the job yourself.

And this next rule is especially important. Unless both of you explicitly agree that telling is okay and unless you both want the world to know about your sexual tastes, don't reveal to anybody -- not friends, not relatives, nobody -- what you've been up to. Remember, erotic peeing is not going to be on your lover's clergyman's list of sanctioned sex acts any time soon. Promise your lover not to tell. And don't feel shy about asking your lover to promise the same. Nothing builds trust between lovers better than a shared secret. Nothing kills trust faster than a breach of confidence. Keep your secrets secret.

And say, "I love you," often.

4. WHAT'S IN IT?

Urine is mostly water. Besides that, it contains the following:

Soluble minerals in excess of your body's needs, mostly salt, but with some magnesium, calcium, potassium, and phosphate.

Nitrogenous material, primarily urea. Also present is a more complex compound called creatinine, which I believe is responsible for the color and odor. These substances are nontoxic. There is also a small amount of uric acid and an even smaller amount of ammonia. Neither of these is present in enough concentration to do any harm.

Water-soluble stuff your body needs but is unable to retain. This includes water-soluble vitamins like C and B-complex. If you take large amounts of vitamin supplements, you increase the concentration of these in your urine.

Food components that, though nontoxic, are of no use. These include various natural and artificial flavoring and coloring agents. At least some of the aspartame (Nutrisweet) you consume is passed (the resulting sweetness can be a turn-on for some folks). You may also have noticed that if you eat beets, the red coloring is passed. If you consume a large amount of grapefruit, your urine will smell like grapefruit. There is a nontoxic artificial dye called methylene blue that is passed unchanged, for those who like to pee in color. There are plenty more examples.

Degradation products of food compounds. These are also nontoxic. The best known example is what happens when you eat asparagus. Your liver converts sulphur compounds in the asparagus to methylthiol, (a water-soluble gas) which is passed. Methylthiol is not toxic in the quantities present in urine (that quantity being very small), but it is one of the smelliest compounds known. Caffeine and some other things that may be present in your urine if you consume them first.

Small quantities of blood protein.

Sluffed off cells and mucous from your bladder and urethra linings.

In males, bits of semen, especially after sexual activity.

Trace quantities of hormones, including sex hormones.

Urine should not contain sugar (glucose) in any but minute amounts. If someone's urine is discernibly sweet, barring his or her having consumed an artificial sweetener, that person ought to see a doctor. Diabetes is no joke (and the doctor is the one person that you CAN tell that you or your lover discovered sugar in the urine by taste. Doctors have heard it all, and they don't tell).

Urine should not contain blood or puss. Again, if it does, see a doctor.

5. WHAT ABOUT SAFE SEX?

A word here about safe sex is in order. Many of the activities described later on involve, in the parlance of health officials, "exchange of bodily fluids." If one of the partners is infected with a sexually transmitted disease, the other risks infection as a result. None of the activities are any more risky than unprotected straight lovemaking. Still, that means that you should consider these activities only within the confines of a mutually monogamous relationship in which both partners are certain of the health of the other.

One other important item. Don't go inserting foreign objects or body parts into anybody's urinary system. The risk of infection and injury is just too great. Consider this particular orifice to be a one way street.

6. HOW CAN I TOUCH THAT STUFF? (and some unmessy activities)

I mentioned before that our bias against drinking urine has a biological basis. But our bias against touching it is purely cultural. There are plenty of cultures in which touching of urine is part of some practical or cosmetic activity. There are peoples, for example, in equatorial Africa who use urine together with clay and ashes to form a paste they apply to their skins that prevents insects from biting. Before certain arctic cultures were exposed to European ways, many used urine for personal washing, especially in the winter when it is too cold to bare your genitals outdoors and when liquid water is precious. Even in the U.S., during the Civil War, Confederate women collected their urine and processed it into potassium nitrate for the war effort. I'm sure that after a few initial wrinkling of noses, this activity became routine to these women, and ceased to disgust them.

The strangest urine use I've heard of was practiced in pre-Christian northern Europe, where elder males consumed a drink made from the mushroom, Amanita muscara. This particular mushroom contains a psychoactive substance which is passed, unaltered, in the urine. More junior members of the group gathered and drank the urine of those who consumed the original drink, and got high also. To anybody thinking trying this themselves, I most strongly caution against it. Besides the questionable wisdom of consuming anything psychoactive, there is the fact that Amanita muscara is toxic and causes damage to your system. There is also the danger of misidentifying the mushroom. Some species of Amanita will put you in the morgue.

So you still feel a little strange about touching pee?

Next time you're alone in the shower, go ahead and pee, but hold your hand in the stream. Revel in how warm and touchable it really is. Feel the gentle insistence of the stream splashing against your skin. And remember, everything in urine is water-soluble and washes completely away as soon as the shower water flows over it. If the smell bothers you, try having a big drink about an hour before you shower, or shower at the time of day that your urine is normally most dilute (we'll talk extensively about dilution later on).

Now ask your lover to pee in the shower. Your lover will probably agree to this easily, since it is so harmless. Hold your hand in your lover's stream. Revel your lover's warmth. Tell your lover how good it feels. Showering together is fun. Do it often. Touch your lover's wet body and encourage your lover to do the same to you. And do a lot of kissing and cuddling of lingam and yoni. Get used to what they are like when they are wet. Use cool water whenever weather permits so that your lover's spring will feel even warmer by contrast.

When you are comfortable doing those things, try the same exercises but with the shower turned off. As soon as you're done, turn the water on and wash off. As you become less inhibited, try holding your hand right against your or your lovers lingam or yoni as the stream flows. Smear it over the genital area. Direct it down the thighs.

When you and your lover are comfortable touching each other's streams, try lying down in the shower or bath between your lover's legs and let your lover pee on your tummy or on your lingam or yoni. Some folks experience a nearly instantaneous orgasm the first time they feel their lovers' stream on their genitals. If this happens to you, you won't have to ask you lover to change places. He or she will likely volunteer.

Here's another fun exercise. Next time you're at the beach with your lover, stand waistdeep in the water, embrace, and then both of you let flow. The warmth feels good in the cool water, doesn't it? And there is the added excitement of strangers being present but their not knowing what's going on.

Another wonderful situation is the next time you and your lover are caught together outdoors in a rainstorm, either intentionally or otherwise. As long as lightning is not a danger, this is a romantic and titillating situation. You will probably hug and cuddle a lot just for warmth. Since your clothing is likely to be so wet that there is no danger of forming an embarrassing stain in the crotch, feel free to pee in your clothing as the spirit moves you. Try it while you are embracing, or place your lovers hand on your crotch as you do. If privacy permits, try placing your lovers hand inside your clothing as you do. Ask your lover to do the same for you. Although a man usually has a hard time maintaining a stream while his lingam is being erotically stroked, women do not suffer the same syndrome. Ask her to pee while you stroke her yoni the way she likes it during normal lovemaking.

And, in your ordinary home life, take turns watching each other pee. Be creative in the positions you choose to pee in. Both men and women can still hit the pot in unorthodox positions. If you are in the woods, accompany each other when nature calls. Don't hide it from your lover, make a show of it. Watching a woman pee is an especially strong turn on for many men (a tidbit of knowledge of which prostitutes have always been aware -- they are known to pee publicly to catch the eye of potential customers).

Even if you never go beyond the activities in this section, they're still exciting and can be a prelude to passionate sex.

7. HOW DO I ASK FOR IT?

At this point, you may think you could be completely uninhibited with the thought of peeing with your lover, but you don't think you could ever persuade your lover to participate. How do you broach the topic?

I can only tell you what worked for me. Pick an intimate but relaxed moment. Begin the conversation by talking about how much you enjoy touching your lover. Tell your lover about the parts of his or her body you find beautiful and delicious to touch. Do a little touching. Encourage talk about fantasies and dreams. Try to get your lover to reveal one of his or her own secret fantasies. Whatever your lover's fantasy might be, try to find something exciting in it. If you genuinely find it exciting, let your lover know.

Explain to your lover how much you love his or her lingam or yoni, how sometimes you focus on it and can't think of anything else. This moment would be a good time to kiss it or lick it or suck it or all of the above. Tell your lover that you love everything about his or her lingam or yoni -- that everything it does excites you. Even the water that pours from it excites you. It excites you because of the person it comes from. Suggest that perhaps someday you'd like to get closer to it -- to touch it or maybe even taste it. And phrase it that way -- perhaps someday. You don't want to be applying pressure. If there's hesitancy, give oral sex again. Tell your lover how much you enjoy giving oral sex. Say that you enjoy it primarily because of who is receiving it. Tell your lover that you enjoy it with him or her so much you would do it even while the spring was flowing. Whenever your lover indicates verbally or by body language that he or she is uncomfortable with what you're suggesting, issue a complement that is off the subject. Hug and kiss and nibble ears. Do whatever it takes to make your lover comfortable again. Comforting speaks volumes louder than begging.

If you do all these things and have made no apparent progress, put it aside for a few weeks or months, then try the same thing again. You may have made more progress than you thought. Your lover may just need time to get used to the idea. Allow as much time as it takes.

8. WHAT ABOUT THE SMELL? (DILUTION)

You can control the degree to which your urine smells by controlling its concentration. Dilute urine smells less than concentrated urine. Very dilute urine has virtually no smell (or taste) at all. If you have a lot of minerals in your tap water and your partner has been drinking something with a good mineral balance, like fruit juice, you may even find that dilute urine has a pleasanter taste than your tap water.

One strategy for more appealing pee is to consume less of what makes it smell. Unless you are starving, you probably eat far more protein than you need. The excess is metabolized (burned for energy). The odor and color of urine comes from the byproducts of protein metabolism. If you cut down on foods with high concentrations of protein, you reduce the odor. Such foods are meat, fish, dairy, and eggs. Even some vegetables have high protein concentrations -- peas, beans, lentils, and peanuts. For some, cutting down on these foods is not an attractive option. If that is the case with you, then concentrate on dilution.

Of course the strategy to dilute your urine is to drink a lot of fluids (you already knew that, didn't you). Healthy kidneys are very efficient, and can filter off excess water as fast as your digestive system can absorb it. Passing excess water through your system also has a cleansing feeling about it.

Some more tips: You may have noticed that at some times of the day your kidneys shed more water than at others. Consider timing your drinking and lovemaking with your daily rhythms. Avoid strenuous activity or spending time in the hot sun (i.e. avoid sweating) in the hours before your lovemaking. Also avoid salt in those hours. And don't eat asparagus.

Of course there is the question of what to drink. Water is good but gets boring. Here are some thoughts on other beverages. Fruit juice tastes great and you can drink large amounts without any negative side effects at all. If you are planning an afternoon of lovemaking, you might consider buying several bags of citrus fruit and have a juicing and drinking party with your lover ahead of time. Sports drinks like Gatoraid are good too. I have a special fondness for frozen fruit bars, especially Popsicles. Each one is good for four to six ounces of water. But avoid vegetable juices like tomato juice or V8. They have too much salt. Soups also have a lot of salt. Diet soda is a good drink for the purpose, but some of them contain caffeine (and remember that the sweetener will sweeten your urine). I advise against a syrupy drink like Coca-Cola. In the quantities you need to drink it, it's too big a sugar hit. The sugar will make you retain some of the water, besides making you sleepy and sluggish.

On the question of caffeine, it is a mild diuretic and to some it is also a mild aphrodisiac. Too much will make you jittery, though, especially if you're not used to it. If you are a coffee drinker, think about how many cups of coffee you can normally tolerate before the caffeine makes you uncomfortable. Don't exceed that amount. For reference, three cans of Diet Pepsi contain about the same amount of caffeine as one cup of coffee. Diet Pepsi is typical of caffinated sodas. If you drink coffee to dilute your urine, switch to decaf after a few cups.

And how much fluid should you drink? I like to drink a lot and have my lover do the same. During lovemaking, I don't want to worry about fluid economy. I want to feel free to let it out whenever fancy strikes me, knowing that more is soon to come. If you consume three liters (about 96 ounces), you will begin to feel the urge in about 45 minutes, and thereafter every 15 to 20 minutes for several hours. That, of course, is a lot to drink all at once. So instead, drink a 12 ounce can every 5 or 10 minutes. And once things begin to flow, you can continue drinking during your lovemaking hours to prolong the fun.

If you drink this much fluid, your urine will smell and taste like water, though it will retain some of the flavor of whatever you are drinking. If your lover's urine is this dilute and you choose to drink it, it can do no harm.

If you want to try something really exotic, have you or your partner drink a little cologne (don't drink oil based perfumes, though) and see what that does to your urine.

One final note. Don't use any strong diuretics as part of your sex play. They can make you feel dried out and uncomfortable.

9. WHAT ABOUT THE MESS? (and other environmental concerns)

Now that you know how harmless your body's fountain is, the only thing left to say against wet loving is that when it's over, it's not really over. You're still left with a mess to clean up.

The easiest response to this is simply to restrict yourself to activities that don't leave a mess. These would include things you do in the shower or bath, in the privacy of your own swimming pool deck, or when you find yourselves on a deserted beach or lakeshore. In these situations, you can get naked, have a fun time, wash off, get dressed, and let nature or household plumbing dispose of what you've produced.

Of course, bathrooms are not the most comfortable places for lovemaking, and beach sand can turn erotic caresses into agony. The best place for lovemaking is still a bed. But if between the two of you, your lovemaking is going to leave six liters of liquid in your mattress, you're likely to think twice before turning on the tap in bed.

With a little preparation, though, you can have your fun and still sleep in a dry bed. Go to the discount store and buy several plastic shower curtains. Strip your bed, and lay the shower curtains over the mattress. If you have a king sized mattress, you might consider two layers of shower curtains with the seams displaced from each other. Be sure to lap any seams. Now get some old towels or bath mats. Put these down in the places on the mattress where you think you or your lover's weight will be most often. They will prevent puddling. Now make the bed over top of the whole affair, but leave off the top sheet and the blanket. Take the pillows out of the pillow cases and slip them into plastic garbage bags. Then put the pillow cases on over that.

And be sure to have another set of dry sheets and pillow cases handy for when you are done. Also, keep a few plastic garbage bags handy for toting wet laundry in later on.

Now your are ready to be as wet as you like and still be able to dry your bed out quickly and easily.

There is one more thing you must consider before starting your wet love in bed. That is temperature and humidity. It's no fun to be cold. In the bath or the shower, you can control the temperature of the water to stay comfortable. In bed, you will have no covers, and you are likely to be wet. If you live in a cold climate, you will either have to restrict this fun to summertime, or you will have to burn some extra heating oil. You will want the air temperature to be at least 80 degrees Fahrenheit (27 degrees C). Consider buying an electric space heater if you don't want to heat the whole house this warm. If it is cold outside, you will also want to use a humidifier or vaporizer to moisten the air (otherwise you will be the ones moistening the air, with the attendant loss of body heat).

Also, if it is TOO hot and humid in your bedroom, it can take away from your pleasure as well. Your lover's warm stream will just seem hot. A ceiling fan over the bed can be most helpful here -- also, a basin of cool water that you can splash each other with from time to time to cool off. Of course the best thing is an air conditioner. But keep it on low, lest you make yourselves too cold.

If you use any electrical aids (vibrators and the like), make sure they are intended for sexplay. They are likely to get just as wet as everything else. Genuine sex appliances are designed to deal with being wet. Use battery powered equipment exclusively -- never any that get its juice from the wall.

10. HOW DO WE GET INTIMATE?

So you skipped right to this section, didn't you? It's okay, as long as you read the rest sometime. So you want to know what fun things you can do using your lingams and yonis as water toys. Well, in the section, HOW CAN I TOUCH THAT STUFF? (and some unmessy activities), we've already discussed a few things you can do in the bath, shower, or in a private spot outdoors. Here are some activities you can do in bed as well. All of them work best if your kidneys have plenty to work with, so drink up first. Note also that males may have to ejaculate once before their sexual tension relaxes enough for their streams flow freely.

Playing Doctor

Simply sit with facing each other with legs apart. When either of you gets the urge, simply pee. The other gets to watch and touch. Pretending to be children again adds a fun twist to this game.

Wet Massage

You will need some KY jelly or equivalent for this. Have your lover lie face down (or face up if you want to massage the front) on the bed. Kneel straddling your lover over the small of the back. Smear a little KY jelly on your hands. Now pee onto your lover's back and begin rubbing it in. Add more KY jelly as needed to keep everything slippery (you may not need that much since your pee is naturally slipperier than water). Be mobile. Work your stream up and down your lover's back and neck, and over your lover's buns. Use your lover's favorite massage techniques. This works best when you learn to control your stream, that is to be able to shut it off at will. Then you can pee a little and rub a lot, then pee some more and rub some more. This activity, like most of the rest, is fun whether you are the giver or the receiver.

Wet Cuddles

Just wetting the bed is exciting the first time you do it on purpose. Doing it while you and your lover are cuddling is a special delight. Unlike some sex acts, naked cuddling is something you can keep up for a long time and be relaxed the whole time. Spoon-style cuddling, with the man behind, is best suited for enjoying wetness. Just lie there together, and whenever one or both of you feels the urge, let it flow. Your lingam and yoni are positioned perfectly to feel the gentle touch that the other's fountain brings you. For the more adventurous, try lying on your sides, facing each other sixty-nine style. Each of you cuddles and nuzzles the other's genitals. Again, whenever your bladder sends you the signal, relax and respond to it. Whenever your lover's stream splashes on your face, enjoy it and nuzzle even more.

Golden Shower

This is simply where one partner kneels, sit, or lies down and the other pees all over him or her. Again, either position is enjoyable. If you like dominance and submission fantasies, this activity plays into them nicely. It's also fun to kiss your lover's lingam or yoni on the spot where the cascade emerges.

A Pissing Contest

Just for laughs (and why should love be unfunny?), try competing with your lover for distance, height, or accuracy. And men, be ready for defeat. Once women figure out some simple techniques, you will find they hold the advantage of having simpler plumbing.

Baby Gets Clean

This is best done in the bathtub. One of you takes the role of parent, the other the role of baby. Parent scrubs baby with soap using his or her own fluids for water. If the baby is completely uninhibited and the parent has enough fluid, the parent washes the baby all over, including head and face (watch out for soap in the eyes). When the scrubbing is done, use the shower to rinse off.

Cataracts of the Nile (for her)

The woman lies on her back with legs apart. The man stands or kneels between her thighs. The man pees as hard as he can, directing his stream onto the woman's clitoris. The man must concentrate on not becoming erect so that his stream is as stimulating to her as he can make it. The woman simply enjoys, touching her yoni if she likes. You will probably want to experiment with standing or kneeling, as different women will have different preferences over how high the stream should come from.

Log in the Amazon (for him)

This time the man lies on his back. The woman squats over his lingam. She may want to stimulate him manually before beginning the main event. When he is wonderfully aroused and erect, she pees hard onto his lingam, moving her stream up and down the length of his shaft. The woman should not worry about whether or not she makes him ejaculate this way. Either way, he is certain to enjoy it. A note here: Many find that as the recipient in either of the last two activities, the intensity is greater if they have first shaved their pubic hair. I know that many men have a Samson complex about their pubic hair, but consider it anyway. The skin over your pubic bone is deliciously sensitive, and you will only feel the wonderment directly if you are shaven. As an aside, if you both shave, face to face intercourse has additional sensations that you cannot achieve otherwise. And if you find you don't like it shaved, it grows right back.

The Fountain of Venus (for her)

There are several positional variations of this one. I'll describe the easiest and you can take it from there. The woman waits until her bladder reaches the limits of comfort. She then lies on her back with her legs apart. Her partner kneels or lies between her thighs facing her yoni. He then begins licking her yoni in the usual way, paying close attention to the sensitive area just below her clitoris. The woman should hold back her stream until Eve's rapture engulfs her. At that point, many women have no choice and will let go involuntarily. Her partner should keep licking, enjoying the sound of her sighs and the sensation of her yoni gushing onto his tongue, and perhaps drinking some if he feels so inclined. The woman should keep peeing until she is empty, allowing herself to come whenever she feels moved to do so. Some women claim this is the most intense orgasm they have ever had. This is so stimulating for them that in the one or two days that follow, some women will come every time they pee because it is a reminder of this experience. Men -- you mustn't deny your woman the joy of this act.

Watering the Oak Tree (for him)

The woman waits for her bladder to become full. The couple prepares for intercourse in whatever ways suit them. The man lies on his back and the woman squats over him. She inserts his lingam into her yoni, but does not begin pumping. Instead, she adjusts herself so that she is comfortable. Then she pees. This takes some practice because the man's lingam is applying pressure to the woman's urethra. The woman will have to concentrate and will have to adjust herself so that the pressure on her urethra is minimized. Even so, she will likely have to work hard to get a good stream. It may also mean that she does not take her man's lingam all the way to the hilt. But it probably doesn't matter for the man. As soon as her stream starts in ernest, he is likely to ejaculate immediately.

Flooding the Cave

The man's bladder must be full and he must have ejaculated recently for this to work. The man may not be able to maintain a full erection during this act. For that reason, rear entry (both couples lying on their sides, spoon-style) is recommended. This is the easiest position in which to keep lingam inside yoni when lingam is soft. Some KY jelly helps for inserting a less than erect lingam. Once in, he pees inside her. This is not easy and takes some concentration on the man's part. It does get easier with practice. But nature resists the man washing his own semen out of his woman's yoni. The first few times a man tries this, he is likely to find the drain to his bladder clamped shut. Nature seeks pregnancy, and this is not a means to that end. If this happens, just relax and wait. Eventually, your bladder will be so full that it will win out. The woman's yoni may make a something of a seal around the man's lingam. This will cause her yoni to inflate. When it is inflated enough, the seal will begin to leak or even gush out in sudden squirts that are enjoyable to both partners. If she becomes uncomfortable before that, simply insert a finger, and the liquid will escape. The sensation is delightful for both partners. For the woman, she feels activity inside her, and the sensation that her man's lingam is bigger than it really is. For the man, who may be an hour or so before he can next ejaculate, this is a surrogate ejaculation -- he feels the wonderful sensation of flowing into his woman. And it lasts a lot longer than an ejaculation.

The Spitting Snake

This is the complement to the Fountain of Venus. The man waits until his bladder is full. Then he rubs his lingam over his partner's face. When the partner is ready, she opens her mouth, perhaps taking the man's lingam into her mouth. He pees as his urge dictates. She kisses the head of his lingam and enjoys the sensation of the stream over her lips and tongue.

Fantasies

Make up some fantasies about what you are doing. My favorite is that I am a king threatened with assassination. I am so fearful of being poisoned that I will drink nothing that hasn't been filtered through my servant girl first. Of course, its most fun to drink right from the tap. But I can't hope to make up fantasies for you that will be better than your own. Use your imagination.

Self Peeing

This is the watersport equivalent to masturbation. You may want to do it simply because you are away from your partner and you miss the sensation of your partner's stream on your face. Or you may do it with your partner present for his or her entertainment. The main concern is to make gravity work in your favor. This means getting upside down. Lying back on your shoulders and propping your legs and back against a wall is the best way to accomplish this. If your partner is present, he or she can provide support for your legs instead of a wall. Being limber helps. With a little effort, you can get your genitals directly above your face. If your back and hamstrings are limber, you can also remain on your feet and bend down until your head is between you legs. Men are at an advantage over women on this one as they have more freedom to aim. If a man's partner is present for either variation of this, allow her the fun of aiming the stream for you.

Doing it with your Clothes On

There are a number of folks who like to wet themselves with clothes on. Swimsuits are most convenient for this since they are made to be worn wet and to easily pass water through their fabric. It's fun to sit on a public beach with your partner, drink beer, and pee it out onto the sand with nobody wise to what's going on except you. But you can wet ordinary clothes, and they will also survive and look good as new with a single trip through the laundry. Try kneeling before your standing partner, who is clothed. Press your face to your partner's crotch and have him or her wet the fabric.

A special turn on for many a man is to have his woman dress, with or without panties, in a skirt or a dress, and then pee standing up without lifting the hem. A woman so dressed can sit on her man's lap while he is clothed, open the valve between her legs, and drive him wild as her liquid love soaks through his trousers. Those crotchless panties that Fredrick's of Hollywood sells are good for this as well. A man might be joyously surprised to arrive home, be asked (or commanded) at the door by his woman to kneel down, stick his head under her dress and begin licking, only to have his thirst slaked with her cascading waters. Some folks also enjoy wearing those bladder control undergarments (i.e. adult diapers) and wetting them. It has the advantage that you can wet them in a public place. You can also improvise a diaper out of a towel.

And There's Plenty More

Whatever variations on wet fun you can think of are probably okay as long as they feel good for both partners and cause no injury. I leave you with the same thoughts I began with. Whatever you do, remember, sexual pleasure flows not between genitals but between hearts. God gave us flesh that is capable of great joy. So stay safe, play fair, and for God's sake, have fun.